5 years ago I was listening to the God Centered Mom podcast (Now called the Don't Mom Alone podcast) on my way home from work. I didn't remember who the guest was (I went back and found it and I'll put the link to the podcast at the bottom of this post) but I did remember one part of the interview. The guest talked about how her and her husband spend 1 hour each night, after the kids go to bed, together with no phones, TV or other distractions. At the time I listened to this I only had 2 kids and this seemed like one of those "great in theory but yeah right I ain't doin' that" kind of things. I'm sure I have an hour but that seems like a lot of time to give up when I've had an exhausting day. And that was that. I dismissed the idea and forgot about it...

...until a little over a month ago. My husband and I talk to each other a lot but we were having many evenings where it was midnight and I felt like I hadn't connected with him at all that day. Randomly one night this podcast came back to my mind and I proposed the idea to Andre and immediately he was interested (what took me five years to consider took him 5 seconds). We started that very night. We talked about our day, plans we had for the next day, plans we had for the next year, even what we ate for lunch. For part of the hour we even sat and didn't say a word. The hour went faster than I expected and it was so fulfilling. So much so that we haven't missed a day in the 5 weeks we've been doing it.

​Not only have we found it great for catching up on each other's days and random thoughts, but it also makes finding time to be intimate a lot easier. It is so easy to get caught up in how much laundry needs to be done or the kitchen that needs cleaning or the kid that has a spelling test the next day and has yet to practice the words. This certainly doesn't take those things away, but when you have committed to NOT doing those things within your hour together, it helps you focus on more important things.

So, the biggest thing I've learned over the last 5 weeks is that I am fully capable of giving my husband 1 hour (or really any amount of time - you choose the right amount for your schedule!) of my undivided attention per day. The benefits should show very quickly after trying this out :)


Here is the link to the full episode but the talk of what she and her husband call "Date night every night" starts at 36:14 :)
https://dontmomalone.com/2015/02/23/the-power-of-sex-in-marriage-francie-winslow-ep-61/ 

Guys. Guys. GUYS.
I finally don't hate being at home.

I'm not going to say that I love it because that would be a lie. But for the first time in the 6 months I've officially been a stay at home mom, I am not counting down the days until I get to work again. Sure, I still check the Teach Iowa website multiple times a week, but that is more to seek out dream jobs (9-12 choir with NO show choir) and not so much out of desperation.

I think a few things have contributed to this newfound not-hate of staying at home:

1. Routine - we've gotten into a weekly and hourly routine. Certain days we go to the gym, other days we have bible study, certain days of the month we have outside activities. And when we get back from those activities we have lunch and nap and school pick up and soon all 7 of us are together for the evening. Long days feel so much more doable when you know what comes next.

​2. Self reflection - I know I am fortunate to get to stay home. It's something I didn't necessarily seeing myself doing, especially since I always said I was a better mom because I worked, but I've come to really appreciate the ability to see the big and small moments my kids have day to day that I typically missed when I was leaving the house at 5:30am and not getting home until 5:00pm.

3. Friends - Whether it is scheduling a playdate or texting to say my kids are driving me crazy, having friends who are going through the same things is so helpful. You know you have a solid friendship when you can communicate solely using gifs to describe you or your child's day.

4. Not giving all of my paycheck to child care - We have been so fortunate to love all of our daycare providers. We have never felt like they weren't cared for, fed or nurtured while my husband and I were at work and for that we are incredibly grateful. That said, for the past 6 years I was paying two mortgages: my house and childcare (which was actually more than my house payment). 

5. My kids - I still count down to nap time everyday but in between breakfast and nap time I get to see my kids' creativity and personalities in action. Drawing pictures of themselves, towers being made, contagious laughter during a movie, cuddles on the couch, their kindness, and even their conflicts. I really have the world's best kids and I'm glad to spend day to day life with them.

I still plan to go back to work at some point. Maybe in a year, maybe in 5 years. Teaching is something I enjoy and know I am good at and I look forward to the day I can get back to it. But for now, I am going to try my best to enjoy the everyday SAHM life season I am in.

This guy right here turns 6 today. He has the best imagination, loves Iron Man (hence the Iron Man pose above), shows kindness always and is a great brother to his 4 sisters. That's right. One boy and four girls + mom and dad make up our family. And do you know what...he. doesn't. NEED. a. brother. And you don't need to "feel sorry" for him that he is not growing up with a brother. Is he outnumbered? Technically speaking, yes. But his sisters also like Iron Man and enjoy playing with Legos and help him when he's outside and wants to try his sister's roller blades. The only times he feels like he is missing out on something is if YOU TELL HIM HE IS. God has given me the world's best son and I can't stand when people assume they know what is best for my family and my children.

So how about, instead of focusing on what is wrong with being the only brother in a room full of sisters, let's focus on the fact that he is growing up with four strong sisters who will fiercely fight for him and he'd do the same for them. Love for siblings comes from seeing people for who they are through their personality, kindness and passion, not based on their gender.

Happy birthday, Bud. We love you 3000.