How to deal with missing firsts as a working mom

I have been working at the same job for the past 5 years and therefore, for 3 of my 4 kids’ first year. L was the only one born before I started teaching when I worked at Hy-Vee and my SIL watched her for us. But for R, E and M, maternity leave (or summer in M’s case) came to an end and I had to send them somewhere on the days I worked.

I consider myself so blessed to get to teach choir while only working three days a week. But with a one way commute of 55 minutes and early morning rehearsals, I typically have to leave home at 5:30am and I get back just after 5:00pm. It’s a long day for me and for the kids. My first four years of teaching my kids went to an in home daycare just a few miles away from where we lived. She was absolutely wonderful about consciously NOT telling us when something new happened and I am so incredibly thankful for that. I could have seen R roll over for the first time at home when maybe he had done it at daycare a week ago and I never knew. It may not have been his first, but it was mine.

When we switched to a new in home provider last year, we were able to keep the same protocol when it came to firsts. I would ask how the kids’ day was, she would give me the highlights as well as how much M had eaten but that was it. I, of course, wish I could have been watching them all day on a nanny cam or something to see all of the fun they were having, but the smiles on my kids’ faces when I picked them up was just as good.

The things I've learned:
1) Find a daycare provider you trust. Kids will usually have a tough time initially adjusting to a new place with new faces but if you have a good “mom gut feeling” about the place and feel like the lines of communication are open, it makes leaving for work a whole lot easier.
2) Ask for the basic details of the day. Let your provider know that you would rather them not mention every milestone your child hits until you mention it. Most providers are parents themselves and will totally understand.