Let them love you

I have never had stellar self-esteem. Middle school was not a great time for me, high school was better but still brought with it some pretty bad days and then in college I met the love of my life. It has only been recently, like, the last six of months, that I started therapy and found out that I have general anxiety disorder. It has probably been around for a while but really only became noticeable through signs of postpartum depression this past year.

I won't go into all of the details of how incredible my first full therapy session was (it was GOOD) but it was through reflection the evening after the appointment that I had this realization. I don't let Andre love me. 
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Andre

Me

^^We've actually sent these gifs to each other from across a room^^

Whenever he compliments me, helps unload the dishwasher or suggests I go out with friends, there is something inside me that decides he can't mean it -- the compliment must be because I have not looked good before. He unloaded the dishwasher because he must have been frustrated because I hadn't. He suggests I go out because I must have been too rough on the kids or yelled too much. Those words have never been uttered from his mouth so why do I decide to put them there?

I am in the thick of motherhood. So much poop and crying and scraped knees and poop and snacks and toys and poop. And some days it just seems crazy that there could be this person that can see beyond my dirty hair and the same sweat pants from the last 5 days and see me. But he does. He reminds me daily that our life together is one that he is so grateful to have and I feel the exact same way. There is no one I'd rather spend my life with so I need to acknowledge that it's possible for someone to feel the same about me.

I've come a long way in developing at least a little self-confidence and know I still have a ways to go. But for now, I am going to remember that he chose me to spend the rest of his life with so the thing I've learned is, I need to let him love me. ​